In my quest for balance in my life, I recall a time where I was too weak to say the word NO. This got me into a lot of trouble. I over-committed, and spread myself so thin, often double-booking my time and never taking care of myself. To get better at saying the word, NO...it has taken me a lot of time. It has also taken getting over the guilt that I felt when I used the word. I felt selfish.
Now, that I am maybe 80% healed of the issue and can say NO most of the time, I need balance to finish the job. Don't get me wrong, it is often very fine to say YES. Saying YES often makes you a good, giving person. What I am left with in the saying NO department...I think is a pretty common dilemma.
At work. I think saying NO often feels like you are cutting out opportunities. "If I say no, I may never be asked again" is what comes to mind. I like making opportunities for myself, not ending them. Maybe though, this is my issue. Because I am so worried about closing the door to opportunities, I am afraid to say no. MOST of the time, there are consequences. I am often hearing myself saying, "Man, it was a good idea at the time" about times that I have said yes.
The reality is that I always have way too many opportunities. Maybe I won't die if I let go of some of them and focus on the ones that matter...the ones that I have created on purpose?
Socially. I often forget how to say NO because I don't want to let people down. Sometimes it even equates to rescuing those that need me. Sure...it feels good to help others. I do that for me. Saying YES though, often takes some of me that I would have preferred not to have given.
I know there is a balance here. I admit, I am way better today than I was 15 years ago.
Family. Do I really want to go here? Again, I have become much better at this. In fact, I think my family has gotten better at this together. I often find myself begging to help family members...to the point of intrusion. I am sure I can help my father more with little complaints from him though.
So where does this fit in with my quest for balance? Simply...if I balance agreeing to doing things for other, I will have more time to work on the other pieces I strive to balance for myself. Selfish? I hope not. I am sure I don't have to worry about it. If I find myself saying NO too much, I am sure I will be called on it.