Sunday, January 5, 2014

Balancing the word "NO"

In my quest for balance in my life, I recall a time where I was too weak to say the word NO.  This got me into a lot of trouble.  I over-committed, and spread myself so thin, often double-booking my time and never taking care of myself.  To get better at saying the word, has taken me a lot of time.  It has also taken getting over the guilt that I felt when I used the word.  I felt selfish.

Now, that I am maybe 80% healed of the issue and can say NO most of the time, I need balance to finish the job.  Don't get me wrong, it is often very fine to say YES.  Saying YES often makes you a good, giving person.  What I am left with in the saying NO department...I think is a pretty common dilemma.


At work.  I think saying NO often feels like you are cutting out opportunities.  "If I say no, I may never be asked again" is what comes to mind.  I like making opportunities for myself, not ending them.  Maybe though, this is my issue.  Because I am so worried about closing the door to opportunities, I am afraid to say no.  MOST of the time, there are consequences.  I am often hearing myself saying, "Man, it was a good idea at the time" about times that I have said yes.

The reality is that I always have way too many opportunities.  Maybe I won't die if I let go of some of them and focus on the ones that matter...the ones that I have created on purpose?

Socially.  I often forget how to say NO because I don't want to let people down.  Sometimes it even equates to rescuing those that need me. feels good to help others.  I do that for me.  Saying YES though, often takes some of me that I would have preferred not to have given.

I know there is a balance here.  I admit, I am way better today than I was 15 years ago.

Family.  Do I really want to go here?  Again, I have become much better at this.  In fact, I think my family has gotten better at this together.  I often find myself begging to help family the point of intrusion.  I am sure I can help my father more with little complaints from him though.


So where does this fit in with my quest for balance?  Simply...if I balance agreeing to doing things for other, I will have more time to work on the other pieces I strive to balance for myself.  Selfish?  I hope not.  I am sure I don't have to worry about it.  If I find myself saying NO too much, I am sure I will be called on it.



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